A Desired Life

live_life

I don’t like thinking about whether I’m living an intentional life. This is due largely in part to the fact that I know I’m not living my life to the fullest.

I live a life confined by walls that come in different forms. A good life, but nonetheless, a life often subdued by silly things and at other times, things that I cannot control. And the more I think about it, the more I hate the reality of it.

Hate is a strong word. But, in this moment, it perfectly captures my feelings toward the limitations that hinder an intentional life.

I hate that I care so much about what others think of me. I hate that I’m often unable to see past my seemingly endless imperfections. I hate that even though there are so many people who have blessed my life, I neglect to tell them a simple “thank you” or “I love you” because I’m too shy. I hate being a prisoner of schoolwork, living my life in accordance to the ticking of clocks. I hate that I hate what life has ceased to become.

What do I wish- want– my life to look like? I want a life in which I wake up everyday because I’m excited for what lies ahead. I see myself constantly surrounded by people who love me and make me smile. I want to make time to be immersed in God’s Word. I picture days filled with so much joy and belonging, that I never once look at the time in fear of a deadline. I want a life that allows me to get a score higher than a 50 in the dinosaur-jump game that appears in the absence of internet connection :). I see myself sleeping for 9 hours every night. I see myself free of the anxiety and worry that arrives with the train of expectations that people have of me.

I wish with all my heart that I could be the owner of this beautiful, fanciful life, however, I don’t know exactly where to start to make it possible. What fills me with a sense of anguish is that I don’t have confidence that the entirety of this dream is possible right now.

-Angel

2 comments

  1. Karith Magnuson · February 23, 2016

    This was beautiful, piercing, and convicting. I, too, long for a life that seems far, far out of my grasp. My prayer for all of us is that we would grow in experiencing the freedom and life Christ came to bring, and would overcome the death that seems (all too often) to haunt our days: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). May you (may all of us) have hope on our journey.

    Like

  2. Moraa O · February 27, 2016

    Hey Angel! Great post. I loved the strong words you used to convey emotion. I also agree a lot with your struggle in knowing where to begin in living an intentional life. Your post flowed really well and moved from point to point without any major jumps. One really small area pf improvement could be too use a little more of the active voice. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this post!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s